Rejoicing in the Aftermath.

So you do the very thing you hate, and you can't explain it.  Why those emotions rise up in you again and again, in that same situation, with that same person, because of that same feeling.  And you can't explain it, so you fall into despair.  It's what happens, every time, because it feels so hopeless.

And when the storm passes.  When it is all said and done.  When you stand again as having been through the worst of it, and you know what you are capable of, and you know what is inside of you, and you know you are not able to conquer it, and it scares you.  When all that is over, and all you are left with is the aftermath of your emotions, what next?

Because the 'what next' really is up to you.  And the 'what next' really is the actual trial.  For where do you go when you feel at your worst?  What do you do after you've failed miserably?   Who do you run to in your despair?  That really is where the battle is.  Where do we put our allegiance, in the aftermath?

It determines whether the battle is won, or not.

In the aftermath of failure.  Yes, always in the aftermath, in the destruction of pride and self-reliance and self-confidence.  In the billows of your emotions that follow.  That is when your choice matters most.

Because always in your despair, you can choose to look up, and to see Him Who is Faithful, Who is Life, Who is full of grace and mercy and love, for you.  You can choose Christ.  And when you do, that is when you realize all along that it was only against Him that you sinned.  All along, you were in your own strength.  All along, your allegiance wasn't Him.  And you repent.  And you come back to Him.  And God rejoices over you, again.  For the battle is won, in Christ.

Now you rejoice!  Yes, rejoice, because you gave more than you have ever given before.  Yes, rejoice, for it was in your poverty of self that you realized you gave all you had.  You gave yourself, to Him.

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"Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment." - Psalm 51:4

"[She] has put in more ... For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on." - Mark 12:43-44